totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
