judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
