you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
