There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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