Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
