how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
