Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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