you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
