We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
