Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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