so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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