You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
