You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
