Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize