i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
