one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
