Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
