If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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