i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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