Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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