How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
