Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
