What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
