You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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