5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
