I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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