I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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