If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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