so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
this will be a night to untag.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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