dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sext me about skeletons
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
