nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
