i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
