May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
