You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
