i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
