Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
