New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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