I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
