dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
