Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
