I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
