is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
