Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
