I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So much rum. So many feels.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
