i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
