While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
