Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
