scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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