I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
