I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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