I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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