How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
